The Turkey: Chapter 1

So I should have been making daily updates throughout this whole ordeal, but I didn't.  I'm now reflecting on the experience, which makes it a memoir, right?

This year I decided to embrace my Cherokee spirit and go for a more traditional T-day experience: harvest a fresh bird and prepare it all the way to the table.  This is something I have never done, so why not?  Couldn't be that hard, eh?  You can make up your own mind by the end of this blog.

INSPIRATION:
There I was on my daily Craigslist stroll when all of a sudden...I saw a picture of a turkey.  I clicked on the ad and it said,

"Turkeys ready for Thanksgiving. Toms only. Fresh Hormone and drug free. Only 5 left. $35 live or processed $45 Call or text..."

The first thought I had was, THIS SOUNDS AWESOME!  Then I saw the $10 price difference for a "processed" bird.  For those city slickers out there, that means for $10 they will kill it, pluck it, and clean it.  Depending on your life experience, $10 might seem well worth it.  However, I'm thinking let's save $10!  Plus I could keep the feathers.  I haven't killed and cleaned many animals in my life, but it couldn't be THAT hard.

I didn't call or text right away, but a few days later I saw this ad...

 "I have Tom bronzed turkeys ready for Thanksgiving. There about 20- 25lbs. $45 each or trade for other birds looking for quail, ducks or laying hens. Call or text..."

It was the same guy.  And the last part intrigued me because I had a few extra ducks in the coop.  I called him up and turns out his name is Andy.  I had bought some chickens off him last year, nice guy.  By the end of the conversation we cut a deal to trade 3 ducks for 1 Tom.  These means I wouldn't have to put any cash down, old school bartering...even better!  And it begins...

PREPARATION:

I had some extra fence panels and old pieces from a futon sofa that made quite an impressive fortress, even by my standards.  It only needed to work for a week, and it looked good to me.  After I got it looking up to par, I gathered up the 3 lucky ducks and headed off to make the trade.  

When I got there we talked a bit about the major predator problem everyone is having this year.  Between raccoons and coyotes we both had our share of stories.  He gave me a few pointers on harvesting the bird, and made it seem pretty elementary.  I picked out the biggest turkey I could find and carried him out to the truck.  We made the trade, shook hands, and I headed home.

When we got home I put him in his temporary home, gave him some feed and water, locked up his cage, and headed in for the night.  I felt proud.  The owner of a big turkey that I would take all the way to the table, just like our ancestors.  I was starting to feel primal.  I slept well, like a man should.

I woke up the next morning and took my Cup of Joe out to have moment with my new bird.  As I walked up I saw no bird...just feathers flying around.  Then, under a pile of hay, I saw my half-eaten turkey lifeless.  Dead before I could kill it.

There is more to the story, so stay tuned...