Grrrrrrrrrr

Words may not be able express my frustration at the moment, so I growl "Grrrrrrrrr."  I have already unloaded two 9mm clips and 20 rounds of 12 gauge into an unfortunate bale of hay, so I feel a little better.  Doesn't help the situation much, but it seemed appropriate at the moment.

Mondays always seem to run high on the SUCK-O-METER.  I had no desire to get out of bed today.  It felt so good laying under the covers, being a cold and rainy day.  One of those days where you think it would have been best to stay there.  However, the world continues to spin and our lives must press on.  All I will say as far as the "situation" that has caused my current frustration is the "situation" at hand was supposed to occur and provide monetary outcomes, which will NOT be occurring.  A sizable one at that.

When you live without a regular paycheck, each one counts.  Not that regular ones don't, but there seems to be more of a dance involved.  When you live on the edge of uncertainty, you get used to "looking down"...always aware of the bottom.  Some call it FAITH, others call it ADVENTURE, or CRAZY.  I don't know what I call it anymore.  Today it's more ANNOYING or OVER-RATED.

I guess sometimes we must be reminded that we are not actually in control, because CONTROL is an illusion.  A false sense of security.  The same with SAFETY.  There is no guarantee or warranty when we are pushed into this world that everything will be alright.  Yet some expect it, like it's a God-given right.  We can never know what the future holds, and that's what drives some people mad. 

As frustrated as I am, I know things will work out.  This will not be my ruin, nor will it devastate me to the point of existence.  Some might say it's because of "sin" in my life, others because of bad karma.  I say...I don't know what I say, actually.  A speed bump?  A hiccup? A financial fart? ( I like that!)  It's just life.  I blame nobody.  It happens, right?

Years ago, I came across one of the Sayings of Agur:

"Two things I ask of you, Lord; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only daily bread.  Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say 'Who is the Lord?' or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God."

I like that. Years ago it seemed to make sense, and today it still does.  Do I feel bad for annihilating a bale of hay with my Mossberg?  Nope, and I will do it again when the mood so strikes.  I believe Sonny and Cher said it best, "...and the beat goes on..." Sounds good to me.  Tomorrow is Tuesday.  Tuesdays are usually better.  Usually.