World's BEST Letter of Recommendation

The following is a Letter of Recommendation I wrote for a friend of mine.  The name has been changed to protect his privacy.  I'm sure he will a job in no time at all:

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To Whom It May Concern:

Julius Peppercorn is the most incredible human I have ever met.  I met Julius the day he rescued an entire town from certain destruction, by a rattlesnake invasion.  He singlehandedly caught every snake and then donated them to a lab that makes anti-venom. In his spare time, Julius dissipates tornados…just for fun. 

Can he work at your camp?  I don’t know if you want him to actually.  He will end up doing everybody else’s job so well, by himself, he will make your entire staff look like morons.  They will cower at his mere presence; yet admire the super-human he truly is. 

He can run your audio-video needs.  He can send your kids down a zip-line.  He can even handle youth pastors that need a lesson in manners.  Not only is he solid in his Christian faith, but also he uses it to hunt vampires.

            FACT: No child has ever suffered from a vampire bite on Peppercorn’s watch.

He is also well versed in hunting Werewolves, Chupa-Cabra, Sasquatch, and The Goat Man.  Not only are his tracking skills unparalleled, he can hold a sleeping baby while he does it. 

Julius Peppercorn is the genetic mutation of Chuck Norris and Billy Graham.  There is no better choice for whatever position you need to hire. 

                                                By the Lion’s mane,

                                                Keith Coast, CEO of keithcoast.com

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Spanish-Speaking Squirrels and Flaming Cow Patties

How seriously do you ever think about your future?  I probably think about mine too much. 

• What will I be doing for living in 10 years?
• Where will I be living in 25 years?
• When will HOVER BOARDS be a reality?
• Is SPAM really food?
• What will the Church look like in 50 years?
• Will my wife ever love me with a FULL beard?

These are just a few questions I ponder. 

I have attended 2 funerals in the last 2 weeks.  They were both GREAT men.  I admire them both immensely.  My hope is that I would have at least half the respect of either of them at the end of my life, and I would be happy.  Friends, family, and community celebrating your existence here in this world.  What a blessing.

Makes me wonder if I will make it to my 80's.  Every time I go to a funeral I tell myself I'm going to write a goodbye letter...and so far I haven't.  I want to, but last night Captain America came on the tube...priorities ;)

Ever want someone to hand you a detailed letter of your LIFE that tells you exactly what to do?  I have!  Everyday.  Even right now, I should be packing for a camping trip, but I'd rather blog.  I chase rabbits all day.  (Maybe I should start chasing cars)  I have no problem dreaming.   I'm good at that.  Actually, it's one of the best things I do!  I can imagine the biggest mountain of a dream, the issue is climbing it.  I have an entire continent of mountains in my mind, but I stall at the overwhelming thought of the trek that lies ahead.

I have this same problem when it comes to candy bars: which one do I really want, Twix or Kit Kat?  M&M's or Charleston Chew?  Almond Joy or Reese's?  (It's easier now that I gave up sugar for the most part...I will take a bite of whatever!)  Psychology calls this condition 'Choice Fatigue'.  A consumer has so many choices they can't decide on one, and then abandon the purchase all together.  I know this hits me all the time.

I have 'Choice Fatigue' in my soul: Teaching?  Film Making?  Stage Shows?  Book Writing?  Farming?  I just want a burning bush, or a talking donkey to speak to me my PURPOSE in life.  I would settle for a squirrel that speaks Spanish or a flaming cow patty with a Chinese fortune inside!  Am I alone on this?  How do you decide the path you follow?

How to "Voltron" your Prayer Life

Voltron: Defender of the Universe...remember that hero from the 80's?  One of my faves.  He was the bomb-diggity.  5 robots combined to make one massive unstoppable force.  Deep down, I believe Voltron is real.  Really deep down.  I know you do to.

I also believe in prayer.

So last week, I caught some stomach bug that was floating around.  All 3 of my punk kids got it, so I suppose I was on deck, and Thursday morning I awoke with a rumbly in my tumbly.  Nothing like waking up to nausea...am I right? Or am I right?  The worst part: it was 6am and I still had to pack and leave for Amarillo by 8am (a 4-hour drive).  Lovely.

So I had to Man-up, put my Big Boy pants on, and go to work.  I made it...without re-visiting the previous day's entrees, thank you very much.  When I got to the hotel, however, I had to hit the bed and try to sleep it off.  I had a show for that night at 7pm for a boat-load of pre-schoolers.  About 4pm I tried to start getting ready, and it was NOT GOOD.  I laid there in bed trying to get up, and every time I tried I felt worse!  "Why today?!" 

I prayed.  Oh, I prayed all right.  Just like every other time I got sick...or got pulled over...or changed a dirty diaper.  As I prayed though, I knew I needed to turbo-charge it somehow.  I needed the prayers of others to make the difference.  So as I laid there, in a cold sweat, ready to make a dash for the bathroom...I made a Facebook post: 

"Could use some prayers: I have a show in 2 hours and feel sick as a dog. I know my my friends, family, and fans know what to do!"

It's about all I could do.  I laid there for a few minutes, and then took a long shower.  Got ready, and waited for my ride to sound check.

I got to the church, and was feeling better.  Not 100%, but better.  Closer to showtime, I was good.  Not great, but not nauseated or dizzy or anything.  I got through the show and had a great time. I was even able to have dinner!  Next day, I was much better.  Night and day difference.  BOOM! Take that, stomach bug!

So, what is the moral to this blog:  Maybe the power of prayer combined with the power of social media equals awesomeness?  Sounds good to me.  It's like Voltron, taking one great thing and teaming it up with another to make one Ultimate robot who defends the universe.  So next time you need to pray, team it up.  Pray with others, because there is power in it. 

BTW: Thanks for all you who prayed for me that day.  I dedicate this post to you (wink)

"Oh, the Humanity!"

Today my humanity showed up.  I was fine, and all the sudden I felt overwhelming feelings of panic, frustration, and depression.  It came out of nowhere!  Maybe too much coffee?  (as if) 

I have always been an independent individual.  Self-disciplined.  Self-motivated.  Self-employed.  Could that be the problem?  I will admit, for the last decade I have relied on myself to do most things.  Being your own boss forces your hand to do many tasks that you really would rather not touch, but necessity trumps your preferences.  I find myself doing so many things that I'm not sure if I could sum up in one word what it is I do anymore...let alone one sentence!

Focus.  Balance.  Rhythm.  Contentment.  Gratefulness.  Simplicity...these are my prayers.

I read in a book somewhere (it didn't have pictures) that a man doesn't really reach his productive stride until his 50's...what!  I have like 20 more years of practice and prep?  Encouraging, I suppose.  I feel like I have been floating along for the last 10 years, loving every moment.  I have done so much and been so many places, but I feel like I'm just getting started.  Started for what, though?  Crystal ball, anyone?

If there is one lesson I learned this last year from losing weight is this: CHANGE IS SLOW.  Change, true change, is slow.  Bit by bit.  Step by step.  A friend reminded me of old saying, "How do you eat an elephant?"  answer: One bite at a time.

So on days like today, I just remind myself, it's okay.  Everything is alright.  I'm human and these are emotions.  I take a deep breathe, and meditate on the wonderful things in my life...and maybe blog about it.  

Never.Stop.Learning.

School was easy for me.  Never really studied but managed to keep A's and B's for the most part.  I did make a C in high-school level algebra when I was in 7th grade...I cried that day...I was a wuss, I know.  You see, in 6th grade they tested my IQ to see if I could be a part of their "Gifted and Talented" program.  You needed a 130 to qualify.  I scored 126. So close.

They did let me in though, kinda on probationary terms.  Mrs. Johnson said that sometimes smart people have a tendency to complicate things, and since I was so close, they would let me try it out.  Basically to be in the G&T meant the work was more advanced, or as I liked to think of it...HARDER.  I missed being gifted by 4 points, so now I had to prove myself.  I have been complicating things ever since ;)

This was my middle-school experience.  It was fun for the most part, but there was a constant push to keep reaching for more, to be the best you could be.  At the time it meant more homework.  Looking back, it made me who I am today.  I went on to home school through a local private school 9-12th.  This forced me to become more self-reliant in my disciplines and is most likely why I am self-employed...and love it!

College was the hardest, mainly because I felt it was a ripoff.  The classes were all so easy.  If you just showed up and did the work, you really couldn't fail.  The problem I had in college was staying focused on WHY I needed these moronic classes and had to pay as much for NEver books as I would for 6 months rent.  I felt the only people that wanted me to continue on in my academic career were people who graduated with a degree, and all they ever did was complain about how hard it was.  It was like they wanted someone to suffer as much as they did and smirk from the sidelines with a devilish grin.

Please don't misunderstand me, I am NOT anti-college.  I do believe there are other paths of learning however.  College didn't offer the experience and knowledge I wanted, and I really didn't know what I wanted, but it wasn't there.  After 4 years, I walked away with about 50 transferable hours...I know, right?  Regrets?  Nope, glad I went.  It's where I met my wife and learned some great lessons.  Will I go back?  Not likely.

The skills I have know I have been honing my whole life.  I have been speaking to crowds, acting, singing, and making a fool of myself since I was a kid, in school and church.   I have had a job since I was 15.  I was on staff at churches from ages 18-23, and have been self-employed for the last 10 years.  I have traveled all over world entertaining and engaging crowds with skills I have, and don't plan to stop any time soon.

I haven't stopped learning either.  Right now I'm still learning how to effectively use Social Media, videography, photography, make the perfect meatloaf, plant trees that survive in SW Oklahoma...the list goes on.  I have been learning from the day I was born, and will continue to the day I die.  How I learn, what I learn, where I learn, when I learn, and who I learn from will constantly be ever-changing.

My dad would tell me, "Son, always be teachable.  As long as you're teachable, you can continue to be a better man."  Good advice from a great man.

Just One More

The most important virtue I have learned this last year is SELF-CONTROL.  The funny part is, we think we have it, but we never use it.  Nothing will test your limits like walking by a Cinnabon when you started a low-carb diet!  Can you just keep walking?  In our mall, I would pass Cinnabon only to walk straight into a Corndog7...does crazy things to a person!

For me, self-control (which will be referred to as SC from now on, because I'm a 2-finger typer) came in to play at Mexican food establishments.  Chips and salsa.  My nemesis.  So we meet again.  How do you eat just one?  Their salty nature calls for JUST ONE MORE.  This was always a true test of SC for me. 

How about the steak house that brings out basket after basket of those hot, freshly baked rolls laced with crack and a vat of sugar butter to drown it in!  I remember after a few months of starting to right we went to a place like this.  I remember holding one of those beauties in my hands, just smelling it, with my eyes closed.  Then I got kicked under the table by my wife who thought my behavior was...not appropriate. 

The true test of SC for me is at IHOP, Denny's, and Waffle House.  It's a really great place to eat a great protein breakfast by ordering an omelette.  Order an omelette and this series of questions always follows...

"Would you like pancakes with that?"

"No thanks"

"How about waffles"

"No thank you"

"Do you like hash browns?"

"I'm good with just the omelette"

"How about some Toast"

"I'm on a low-carb, high-protein diet so I can't really have it, but thanks."

"We have bagels...or grits...I can bring you some oatmeal...or some fruit???"

"Fruit.  Bring the fruit...and my omelette...please"

Somehow I would always stick to my guns and prevail.  Over the last year I have denied a lot of pancakes, waffles, french fries, and cinnamon rolls.  In the end, little by little, SC became more apparent.  I was able to make better decisions and better overall choices.  The hardest part was always thinking "just one more..."  Now, it's different, and I need to lose JUST ONE MORE pound.

One Year Ago...

I had to sit down and reflect BLOGGER-style about my life one year ago.  For those of you who know me, know I LOVE to eat!  It is one of my favorite pastimes.  I have traveled as an entertainer/speaker for the last 10 years.  This has given me the privilege of having some the most incredible entrees on the planet.  From stingray in Singapore, to fresh Icelandic lobster, to grilled beef heart in Honduras...I have had it all.  But don't misjudge my tastes just yet, I'm not that picky.  I'm a sucker for truck-stop burritos, NYC street dogs, and the hole-in-the-wall greasy spoons.  I used to watch the Food Network religiously to see where I should I eat on the road. 

One year ago, I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and never threw on the brakes.   I love to eat and love to cook.  Dangerous combo.  I'm a grown man, I could do whatever I wanted.  I drank sodas, at least one a day, but probably more like 2 or 3.  (it was more when I was on the road)  Airlines stuff you FULL of sugar and carbs to keep their passengers happy.  Hosts would take me out for a massive 3 course meal after a show, about 9pm.  I would eat dessert, of course.

One year ago,  I had painful back problems.  I had a hard time sitting for long periods, and when all you do is drive or fly, that stinks!  I remember lying in bed and having to get up because my back hurt so bad.  That really stinks! 

One year ago, I sweat like...a fat man.  (pigs and dogs don't have sweat glands, sorry)  I had to carry around a hanky in my back pocket to keep sweat off my brow.  After a show, I was drenched in sweat.  I had to put on a new shirt, and people asked me if I was alright, because my face was bright red.  I also remember being passed by wheelchairs in the airport because I couldn't walk fast enough.

One year ago, I was depressed.  Unmotivated.  Frustrated when when I realized my size 42 Levi's were about to be too small.  I remembered when I got married 13 years ago, I was 185 lbs. wearing size 36 jeans.  I was now 252 lbs!  How did I put on 67 pounds?!  Seriously! 

Then I got mad.  Mad enough to do something about it.  Mad enough to realize I had a problem.  I was addicted to food, and it was slowly ruining my life. 

So I made a plan:
Phase ONE: reach 200 lbs.
Phase TWO: complete Phase ONE, and re-evaluate goals
Phase THREE: make sure I completed Phase ONE

One Year Ago: 252 lbs.
Today: 201 lbs.