The Turkey: Chapter 1

So I should have been making daily updates throughout this whole ordeal, but I didn't.  I'm now reflecting on the experience, which makes it a memoir, right?

This year I decided to embrace my Cherokee spirit and go for a more traditional T-day experience: harvest a fresh bird and prepare it all the way to the table.  This is something I have never done, so why not?  Couldn't be that hard, eh?  You can make up your own mind by the end of this blog.

INSPIRATION:
There I was on my daily Craigslist stroll when all of a sudden...I saw a picture of a turkey.  I clicked on the ad and it said,

"Turkeys ready for Thanksgiving. Toms only. Fresh Hormone and drug free. Only 5 left. $35 live or processed $45 Call or text..."

The first thought I had was, THIS SOUNDS AWESOME!  Then I saw the $10 price difference for a "processed" bird.  For those city slickers out there, that means for $10 they will kill it, pluck it, and clean it.  Depending on your life experience, $10 might seem well worth it.  However, I'm thinking let's save $10!  Plus I could keep the feathers.  I haven't killed and cleaned many animals in my life, but it couldn't be THAT hard.

I didn't call or text right away, but a few days later I saw this ad...

 "I have Tom bronzed turkeys ready for Thanksgiving. There about 20- 25lbs. $45 each or trade for other birds looking for quail, ducks or laying hens. Call or text..."

It was the same guy.  And the last part intrigued me because I had a few extra ducks in the coop.  I called him up and turns out his name is Andy.  I had bought some chickens off him last year, nice guy.  By the end of the conversation we cut a deal to trade 3 ducks for 1 Tom.  These means I wouldn't have to put any cash down, old school bartering...even better!  And it begins...

PREPARATION:

I had some extra fence panels and old pieces from a futon sofa that made quite an impressive fortress, even by my standards.  It only needed to work for a week, and it looked good to me.  After I got it looking up to par, I gathered up the 3 lucky ducks and headed off to make the trade.  

When I got there we talked a bit about the major predator problem everyone is having this year.  Between raccoons and coyotes we both had our share of stories.  He gave me a few pointers on harvesting the bird, and made it seem pretty elementary.  I picked out the biggest turkey I could find and carried him out to the truck.  We made the trade, shook hands, and I headed home.

When we got home I put him in his temporary home, gave him some feed and water, locked up his cage, and headed in for the night.  I felt proud.  The owner of a big turkey that I would take all the way to the table, just like our ancestors.  I was starting to feel primal.  I slept well, like a man should.

I woke up the next morning and took my Cup of Joe out to have moment with my new bird.  As I walked up I saw no bird...just feathers flying around.  Then, under a pile of hay, I saw my half-eaten turkey lifeless.  Dead before I could kill it.

There is more to the story, so stay tuned...

Feel-Good Friday

Today I feel good.  No reason not to.  I'm thankful for all I have, and grateful for all I don't.  I'm about to hang out and watch my kids play soccer, one of those moments that won't last forever.  It's nice to be home for a while and slow down for a bit and enjoy somewhat of a "routine".

I'm starting to feel like my appetite is under control and the eating lifestyle is taking shape.  I can do this.  It's not a chore, or punishment.  It actually feels like I have given my self a reward, and I guess I have.  Once I shed this extra baggage I will probably be bouncing of the walls!  If I grow an afro-puff and wear short shorts, I could be the NEXT Richard Simmons.  Man, I need to find me a Sweatin' to the Oldies VHS...

The Jump Rope

I'm going back to the basics: jump rope.  That's right, I bought a jump rope.  It's amazing, and it's going to change my life.

Believe it or not, I'm actually pretty decent at it.  Back in high school I was a Jump Rope Coach for elementary kids at LCS.  I know, I know...but I loved it.  All I can really remember is putting together a routine to Carmen's "Who's in the House?"  (If you know that song you are probably singing it right now, or looking it up on iTunes...buy it...do it..."Who's in the house"....c'mon, say it...)

Jumping rope in that sense sounds a little...lame.  However, Sylvester Stallone makes that rope look like riding a bike in all the Rocky movies.  And yes, I have now referred to Rocky in the last 2 blogs, but I watched those movies over and over.  Mainly because that's all TBS would play.  And boxing workouts are hardcore.  You don't get much more basic, and that's what I need: BASIC

I woke up and decided to buy some new shoes and a jump rope.  The last 2 days I have noticed that I have much more energy, and I feel good...sore but good.  I walk like an old man that's had an accident in his pants, but it will get better.  Nothing has kicked my butt like the day after Kung Fu though!  Sheeze, that was rough. 

I really wasn't expecting to WANT to workout so soon, but I FEEL like it. Crazy.  My plan is not to just stick with one thing, I'm going to keep switching it up.  I'm setting up a rustic farm-style circuit out here.  Chunking rocks.  Pulling rope.  Telephone pole press. Suicides up the hill.  Chasing chickens. Tipping cows. Tomorrow I'm buying a stand for my heavy bag.  Can't wait. 

3 weeks in and I'm feeling great.  Lost at least 10 lbs and 1" in my waist.  Now that I have a jump rope, who knows what will happen?  Maybe I will be mistaken for The Rock instead of Jack Black.

Less of Me

On October 17, 2011 I decided to finally move toward a healthier lifestyle.  I know after 32 years that complete change doesn't happen in that 2-minute montage that appears in the movies. In real life it takes much longer...dang it. (See all Rocky movies for examples)

Inspiration this time struck me in the oddest way.  I was reading the biography of Ben Franklin and read that he was a vegetarian, mainly to save money.  It may have been one factor for him living into his 80's.  There I was like 3 paragraphs into this chapter and BOOM... I started thinking about how I need to be healthier.  I weighed in the next day at 252 lbs.  I was about 185 lbs when I married Melissa 12 years ago.  I'm like 60 pounds more than then!  And why?

I love to eat.  On the road it's my favorite thing to find hole-in-the-wall mom and pop joints.  Too many church pot-lucks.  Those sweet old ladies with their sugary confections.  Truck stops and gas stations.  All-you-can-eat buffets.  And I don't have anyone standing there saying "Don't eat that!"  Self control has to be a part of my life if I want to enjoy a few more days here.

About 11 years I tried the Atkins low-carb diet with great success.  I lost like 25 lbs in two months, so I knew it worked for me.  Being on the road is my main concern now.  I will concentrate on exercise later, but I have to find something that works for me no matter where I am at.

So after 18 days I have lost right at 10 lbs.  I have been doing it and feeling good.  I think because I have brought down my sugar intake it has made a huge difference in my mental clarity, focus, and energy.  Melissa has started it with me, and as a family we will be making some changes.

Of course I'm only 2 weeks in, but it does feel good.  I can't really tell a difference of 10 lbs gone, but I feel better...healthier.  I'm about 5 seconds into my character-changing Hollywood montage, about 1:55 to go.



Written while drinking french-pressed decaf an listening to Coldplay's Mylo Xyloto.

The Bloginning

I have wanted to blog for a while, yet for whatever reason, this is my first entry.  Welcome to...The Bloginning! 

I really don't know what I'm doing at this point, and you probably don't know why you're reading this jibberish. Maybe you are nosy. It's alright, most people are.  Except we mask our "nosiness" with the word "curious."  So whether you are reading because you are trying to find something here to prevent me from becoming the next president, or because you love me, welcome.

WARNING:  I love to overuse "", ... , ( ),  and CAPS-LOCK.  I know they are not proper English, but I'm an American, and I have been tainted by rock-n-roll, 8-bit graphics, and Mt. Dew.  If these grammatical liberties offend you, ("GREAT...")  Maybe reading my blog will help you to grow tolerant of the ever-changing world of language around us.

I do love to write.  I have not been able to journal more than 5 days in a row for almost 33 years now.  I have tried.  I blame TIME, but in reality TIME is not at fault.  For thousands of years, TIME has been consistent.  It keeps moving on...without my help.  My SCHEDULE is the next culprit, but again, I am in control of that.

There is a love/hate relationship in my soul with technology.  Even as I write this, part of my soul aches.  I view the DIGITAL WORLD as a passing medium that will not survive the changes of time.  However, pen and paper aren't much more permanent. (One match, right?)  The only viable solution is masonry and stone-cutting...but I don't have to time to chisel out my thoughts. Who does these days?

I am convinced the only thing that really passes on are ideas, concepts, virtues, beliefs, emotions...part of the human experience that can't be captured by any medium of record keeping.  So for now, I will enter in to the digital world of blogging and see what happens.  Here goes nothing...