Words may not be able express my frustration at the moment, so I growl "Grrrrrrrrr." I have already unloaded two 9mm clips and 20 rounds of 12 gauge into an unfortunate bale of hay, so I feel a little better. Doesn't help the situation much, but it seemed appropriate at the moment.
Mondays always seem to run high on the SUCK-O-METER. I had no desire to get out of bed today. It felt so good laying under the covers, being a cold and rainy day. One of those days where you think it would have been best to stay there. However, the world continues to spin and our lives must press on. All I will say as far as the "situation" that has caused my current frustration is the "situation" at hand was supposed to occur and provide monetary outcomes, which will NOT be occurring. A sizable one at that.
When you live without a regular paycheck, each one counts. Not that regular ones don't, but there seems to be more of a dance involved. When you live on the edge of uncertainty, you get used to "looking down"...always aware of the bottom. Some call it FAITH, others call it ADVENTURE, or CRAZY. I don't know what I call it anymore. Today it's more ANNOYING or OVER-RATED.
I guess sometimes we must be reminded that we are not actually in control, because CONTROL is an illusion. A false sense of security. The same with SAFETY. There is no guarantee or warranty when we are pushed into this world that everything will be alright. Yet some expect it, like it's a God-given right. We can never know what the future holds, and that's what drives some people mad.
As frustrated as I am, I know things will work out. This will not be my ruin, nor will it devastate me to the point of existence. Some might say it's because of "sin" in my life, others because of bad karma. I say...I don't know what I say, actually. A speed bump? A hiccup? A financial fart? ( I like that!) It's just life. I blame nobody. It happens, right?
Years ago, I came across one of the Sayings of Agur:
"Two things I ask of you, Lord; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say 'Who is the Lord?' or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God."
I like that. Years ago it seemed to make sense, and today it still does. Do I feel bad for annihilating a bale of hay with my Mossberg? Nope, and I will do it again when the mood so strikes. I believe Sonny and Cher said it best, "...and the beat goes on..." Sounds good to me. Tomorrow is Tuesday. Tuesdays are usually better. Usually.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Home from Honduras
We made it back home with no real major problems...except the fact we almost missed our first flight. Well, we made it to the airport 2 hours before, but I thought we were outbound on American Airlines. Their desk didn't open till 9:00am, our flight was at 10:05am...weird. Only one hour to get checked in, pay exit tax, go through security...odd. So we sat around, had an espresso, and waited. Long story short, for whatever reason we were on the TACA Airlines flight to Miami, not AA! So know we have to haul...
We get checked in, pay our exit tax, go through security and we are at the gate, only to have enough time to go through yet another additional screening. David got his Germ-X taken away for whatever reason and his handcuff keys. (Why did he bring handcuff keys? I guess he thought we might run into trouble.) After a final pat-down we are legit.
We get to the States, turn our iPhones back on and text our wives that we are back on US soil. We breeze though customs, and the rest of our flights go according to plan. By 8:00pm our families pick us up at the Lawton Area Regional Airport and we are officially HOME! I head to Braum's and get a burger and some eggs for breakfast.
It's always nice when you and your bags make it back safe and on time. Our friend Ayax had a couple catch phrases for the week. I can still hear his thick, Latin accent say: "Welcome to Honduras" "It's part of the Adventure!" "Absolutely!" Immersing yourself in another culture is always an adventure. For me it's like the first day of school; eyes wide open, trying to blend in, make new friends, and always aware of where the bathroom is.
As nice as it is to make new friends and experience a new place, there is no place like home! Dorothy said it right. There is nothing like waking up in your own bed and knowing exactly where you are...HOME.
We get checked in, pay our exit tax, go through security and we are at the gate, only to have enough time to go through yet another additional screening. David got his Germ-X taken away for whatever reason and his handcuff keys. (Why did he bring handcuff keys? I guess he thought we might run into trouble.) After a final pat-down we are legit.
We get to the States, turn our iPhones back on and text our wives that we are back on US soil. We breeze though customs, and the rest of our flights go according to plan. By 8:00pm our families pick us up at the Lawton Area Regional Airport and we are officially HOME! I head to Braum's and get a burger and some eggs for breakfast.
It's always nice when you and your bags make it back safe and on time. Our friend Ayax had a couple catch phrases for the week. I can still hear his thick, Latin accent say: "Welcome to Honduras" "It's part of the Adventure!" "Absolutely!" Immersing yourself in another culture is always an adventure. For me it's like the first day of school; eyes wide open, trying to blend in, make new friends, and always aware of where the bathroom is.
As nice as it is to make new friends and experience a new place, there is no place like home! Dorothy said it right. There is nothing like waking up in your own bed and knowing exactly where you are...HOME.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Espanol: Mi Destino
Yesterday was Monday, 12/5/11. We had four more shows, and they went really well. We had a better turnout overall all day long. The people of Chuloteca are so sweet. After each show I would do autographs and David was monkey-posing for the camera. There was always at least one kid that freaked out because of a giant blue gorilla, but he was more of a star than I was at times. I'm pretty sure we lost 10lbs due to sweat, and our clothes may need to be burnt once we return.
It's clear to me that I must learn Spanish. I have to. It's my destiny. There are so many ways that it could help. Not just learning for performance, but I'm a people person. It stinks when I can't respond back. It's a weird feeling for an extrovert.
I already have a basic foundation on the language. I took two years of Spanish in Jr. High, two in High School, and one semester in college...not to mention a few trips to Mexico. Then I lived in Baytown for two years! You would think I should be bi-lingual by now, but I never took it serious. Sad. I know enough to be dangerous. I can navigate myself around the menu, and a few conversational pieces, and say things like "Sal con tus manos arriba!" (Come out with your hands up!) or "Mi pollo es su pollo" (My chicken is your chicken).
My Cherokee heritage gives me the "look"...like I should speak Spanish, so I might as well. Plus I'm thinking retirement. Don't get me wrong, Faxon, OK is AMAZING, but maybe I could consider Central America? I could blend in here pretty easily. My blonde wife and kids on the other hand...might be a little harder for them ;) This country grows their own coffee, 'nuff said.
I think I could be happy here. Of course, I think I could happy anywhere I go. I'm happy in the Oklahoma countryside with my lovely wife and goober-nugget kids right now. All of whom I miss very much at the moment. That's always the hardest part of this vocation. I will be home soon though.
I think David and I will hit the market and pick up some local flavor to take home. We will be on the town, with little understanding of the language, and no guns. Looks like I will have to rely on my Kung Fu, which is probably worse than my Spanish, and our charm. Maybe I will try out the "Come out with your hands up!" phrase today. If things do go bad, I think I can out-run David ;)=
It's clear to me that I must learn Spanish. I have to. It's my destiny. There are so many ways that it could help. Not just learning for performance, but I'm a people person. It stinks when I can't respond back. It's a weird feeling for an extrovert.
I already have a basic foundation on the language. I took two years of Spanish in Jr. High, two in High School, and one semester in college...not to mention a few trips to Mexico. Then I lived in Baytown for two years! You would think I should be bi-lingual by now, but I never took it serious. Sad. I know enough to be dangerous. I can navigate myself around the menu, and a few conversational pieces, and say things like "Sal con tus manos arriba!" (Come out with your hands up!) or "Mi pollo es su pollo" (My chicken is your chicken).
My Cherokee heritage gives me the "look"...like I should speak Spanish, so I might as well. Plus I'm thinking retirement. Don't get me wrong, Faxon, OK is AMAZING, but maybe I could consider Central America? I could blend in here pretty easily. My blonde wife and kids on the other hand...might be a little harder for them ;) This country grows their own coffee, 'nuff said.
I think I could be happy here. Of course, I think I could happy anywhere I go. I'm happy in the Oklahoma countryside with my lovely wife and goober-nugget kids right now. All of whom I miss very much at the moment. That's always the hardest part of this vocation. I will be home soon though.
I think David and I will hit the market and pick up some local flavor to take home. We will be on the town, with little understanding of the language, and no guns. Looks like I will have to rely on my Kung Fu, which is probably worse than my Spanish, and our charm. Maybe I will try out the "Come out with your hands up!" phrase today. If things do go bad, I think I can out-run David ;)=
Sunday, December 4, 2011
A Long Day and 3 Soggy Shirts
Today was the big day: 7 shows, 45 minutes long. It always looks good on paper, until it stares you in the eyes the day of. "What was I thinking?" Answer: I wasn't. Too late now, Bubble-Boy! Time to dance.
It's not that bad. Actually today was a great experience. The 10am show had 7 people. Thank God two were kids. Halfway through the show I begin to wonder how I'm connecting. No one is really responding. Blink blink. Then an older gentleman begins to take a phone call, talking loudly. That was a nice touch. At that point I began to go auto-pilot and just fake it till you make it to the end of the show. 7 or 7,000...the show must go on!
It was rough, by my standards. The sound guy is doing the best he can, but not quite up to par. The electricity was only about half power. And every time I turned on the leaf blower the lights got brighter. Always do the best you can with what you have, and 6 more shows.
I reset for the next show and head out to find a quiet place to chill and gather my thoughts. I step outside the back door of the hall into a walled in courtyard and grab a nearby broken metal chair that juuuust held me up. I'm alone for the moment, or am I. There are about a dozen cows grazing the tall grass of the courtyard. I'm now at home. My "Green Room" is green alright, with cattle eating the greens. That made me laugh. I needed that.
Next show was canceled, because nobody came. The rest of the shows got more and more. 11 people...15....40ish...200...30. After each one, the response was encouraging. David played the Blue Gorilla in two parts of the show, and was a hit!
He actually went out and promoted the event. They have a van with big speakers on top, and drive around town playing the ad spot...loudly. David crawled up on top of the van, sat between the speakers, and waved at people as they drove around town! (I know for sure his momma wouldn't have let him do that.)
All in all a great day. It was long day, but when you do the same thing over and over it seems twice as long. I made it. Three soggy shirts and a pair of jeans that will need 4 days to dry out. The cold shower didn't seem so cold after all that. I had two yellow frogs that accompanied me. They didn't seem to mind the cold water either.
It's not that bad. Actually today was a great experience. The 10am show had 7 people. Thank God two were kids. Halfway through the show I begin to wonder how I'm connecting. No one is really responding. Blink blink. Then an older gentleman begins to take a phone call, talking loudly. That was a nice touch. At that point I began to go auto-pilot and just fake it till you make it to the end of the show. 7 or 7,000...the show must go on!
It was rough, by my standards. The sound guy is doing the best he can, but not quite up to par. The electricity was only about half power. And every time I turned on the leaf blower the lights got brighter. Always do the best you can with what you have, and 6 more shows.
I reset for the next show and head out to find a quiet place to chill and gather my thoughts. I step outside the back door of the hall into a walled in courtyard and grab a nearby broken metal chair that juuuust held me up. I'm alone for the moment, or am I. There are about a dozen cows grazing the tall grass of the courtyard. I'm now at home. My "Green Room" is green alright, with cattle eating the greens. That made me laugh. I needed that.
Next show was canceled, because nobody came. The rest of the shows got more and more. 11 people...15....40ish...200...30. After each one, the response was encouraging. David played the Blue Gorilla in two parts of the show, and was a hit!
He actually went out and promoted the event. They have a van with big speakers on top, and drive around town playing the ad spot...loudly. David crawled up on top of the van, sat between the speakers, and waved at people as they drove around town! (I know for sure his momma wouldn't have let him do that.)
All in all a great day. It was long day, but when you do the same thing over and over it seems twice as long. I made it. Three soggy shirts and a pair of jeans that will need 4 days to dry out. The cold shower didn't seem so cold after all that. I had two yellow frogs that accompanied me. They didn't seem to mind the cold water either.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Lost with Orphans and a Blue Gorilla
I woke up this morning lost. Have you ever had this happen? You wake up and you have no idea where you are. It happens to me ever so often, being that I'm in and out of hotels so much. I heard birds, unlike the ones we have back home. Some insects. The sounds of a slow highway. Then I see David's face across the room in his own bed. "Oh yeah, I'm in Honduras." It's like 6am so I opt to sleep a little more.
Then I have one of those vivid dreams you have when you fall back asleep, and then you remember everything. Something about hunting coyotes and my brother being attacked by some weird blue iguana...don't worry, he was fine.
Time to shower. After ten minutes of waiting for the hot water to arrive, it was obvious it was NOT coming. I can't remember the last cold shower I took, because I like hot showers...long showers. Today was a cold, short one...and most likely tomorrow as well.
Breakfast was great. Eggs, re-fried beans, tamales, and the best cup of coffee since yesterday. Then we packed up all the gear and waited to meet our host, Ayax. After he picked us up he drove us around Chuloteca giving us the grand tour. "Chuloteca is a small town," as he always says. (Population 150,000) We tour the building where we will be doing the shows for Sunday and Monday and then head off to run some nameless errands.
Around 2pm we arrive at an orphanage to put on The K@otik Show for a little over 100 kids. They were so sweet. There were a few I would have liked to pack up and bring home. (If Melissa were here, we probably would have ;) A local TV station was there and filmed the whole show and then did an interview directly after. Nothing like having the media there for your warm-up show! It was good times.
By 5pm its time for lunch. Yeah...lunch. Pizza Hut fit the bill, and it was great. I had the wings and tried to ingest the fewest carbs possible on the pizza, but I did OK. (I'm doing low-carb diet, and trying the best I can in Central America. I'm actually doing pretty good I think.) We enjoy the meal and the conversation with our friend Ayax and his co-worker, Ayax. It's even funnier because they also have the same last name...and there is no relation!
By 6pm it's time to get ready for the parade. I throw on a jacket while David wrestles into a furry, blue gorilla mascot suit in the back seat of an already crowded SUV. As soon as he steps out in his blue goodness, people are looking...starring...honking their horns...taking pictures with him. It was awesome. I was now HIS security. We take a our place in the back of a Ford and get ready, and wait. Then wait some more. And wait.
About every 15 minutes we would drive forward about 10 meters/yards. After an hour we finally get the parade moving in a steady flow. We were behind the Beauty Pageant float and the nativity scene. The nativity caught my eye, as they strapped a little girl to the roof of the cab, who would be the angel over the stable. By the look in here eyes, she was just as concerned as I was. I will save you the suspense and reveal she made it just fine. No angels were harmed in the floating of this parade.
We slowly made our way through the crowded downtown of where they think about 8,000 showed up to line the streets tonight. David's cooling system in his helmet ran out of juice about halfway through and drank a half-gallon of water along the way. I know he was burning up, but he sure made a lot a people smile tonight! Something about a big blue monkey just makes your day, right? He was the star of the show tonight. I'm glad he was there with me.
They took us back to hotel after it was all over. When we got in the truck to drive back, I noticed a Coors can in the cup holder. Should I be worried? Why? I just spent the last 2 hours with a blue ape throwing candy into the streets of a country where I can't even speak the language...or drink the water. Last night we almost hit a 9 foot snake in the road, and the night before that there was a bomb threat. This is my K@otik life.
Tomorrow I perform 7 back to back shows. What was I thinking when I agreed to this...not sure. I am sure there will be more stories to tell though, so stay tuned. Hasta bananas...
Then I have one of those vivid dreams you have when you fall back asleep, and then you remember everything. Something about hunting coyotes and my brother being attacked by some weird blue iguana...don't worry, he was fine.
Time to shower. After ten minutes of waiting for the hot water to arrive, it was obvious it was NOT coming. I can't remember the last cold shower I took, because I like hot showers...long showers. Today was a cold, short one...and most likely tomorrow as well.
Breakfast was great. Eggs, re-fried beans, tamales, and the best cup of coffee since yesterday. Then we packed up all the gear and waited to meet our host, Ayax. After he picked us up he drove us around Chuloteca giving us the grand tour. "Chuloteca is a small town," as he always says. (Population 150,000) We tour the building where we will be doing the shows for Sunday and Monday and then head off to run some nameless errands.
Around 2pm we arrive at an orphanage to put on The K@otik Show for a little over 100 kids. They were so sweet. There were a few I would have liked to pack up and bring home. (If Melissa were here, we probably would have ;) A local TV station was there and filmed the whole show and then did an interview directly after. Nothing like having the media there for your warm-up show! It was good times.
By 5pm its time for lunch. Yeah...lunch. Pizza Hut fit the bill, and it was great. I had the wings and tried to ingest the fewest carbs possible on the pizza, but I did OK. (I'm doing low-carb diet, and trying the best I can in Central America. I'm actually doing pretty good I think.) We enjoy the meal and the conversation with our friend Ayax and his co-worker, Ayax. It's even funnier because they also have the same last name...and there is no relation!
By 6pm it's time to get ready for the parade. I throw on a jacket while David wrestles into a furry, blue gorilla mascot suit in the back seat of an already crowded SUV. As soon as he steps out in his blue goodness, people are looking...starring...honking their horns...taking pictures with him. It was awesome. I was now HIS security. We take a our place in the back of a Ford and get ready, and wait. Then wait some more. And wait.
About every 15 minutes we would drive forward about 10 meters/yards. After an hour we finally get the parade moving in a steady flow. We were behind the Beauty Pageant float and the nativity scene. The nativity caught my eye, as they strapped a little girl to the roof of the cab, who would be the angel over the stable. By the look in here eyes, she was just as concerned as I was. I will save you the suspense and reveal she made it just fine. No angels were harmed in the floating of this parade.
We slowly made our way through the crowded downtown of where they think about 8,000 showed up to line the streets tonight. David's cooling system in his helmet ran out of juice about halfway through and drank a half-gallon of water along the way. I know he was burning up, but he sure made a lot a people smile tonight! Something about a big blue monkey just makes your day, right? He was the star of the show tonight. I'm glad he was there with me.
They took us back to hotel after it was all over. When we got in the truck to drive back, I noticed a Coors can in the cup holder. Should I be worried? Why? I just spent the last 2 hours with a blue ape throwing candy into the streets of a country where I can't even speak the language...or drink the water. Last night we almost hit a 9 foot snake in the road, and the night before that there was a bomb threat. This is my K@otik life.
Tomorrow I perform 7 back to back shows. What was I thinking when I agreed to this...not sure. I am sure there will be more stories to tell though, so stay tuned. Hasta bananas...
Friday, December 2, 2011
24 Hours to Honduras
This time last night (6:00pm) I was leaving Lawton, OK for Dallas, Tx. Hugging the kids, kissing the wife, and I was off to the gate for a delayed flight. Joy. My best-friend from Jr. High, David Skinner, was able to make it with me on this trip. Our final destination: Choluteca, Honduras. I will be providing family entertainment at a big festival, Ferisur.
Our trip started off with a flight that would be 15 minutes late. We arrived in DFW with just enough time to make our next flight. We hustle to the gate, only to realize it would be delayed as well. This time I'm glad, because it gives me enough time to have a Fuddruckers Bacon Cheddar burger minus the bun. Glory! Hit the spot. David grabs a baked potato. We are sitting there finished with our man-snacks when we hear screaming...accompanied by people running. This is an airport. Not good.
Whatever is going on is happening right above us on the second story. I look at Dave, and we both get up and start walking AWAY from our current location. I'm thinking maybe a fire started in the kitchen, but I don't smell smoke. I walk around to some GI's who were talking with the screaming girls, and using my nosey church-lady instincts, ask what's going on. "They said a guy has a BOMB." ( I used CAPS to emphasize that important word.)
David and I look at each other again. This time I am heading for a 3-foot concrete pillar. I figure if there was blast, this is the best spot. If not, I still have a good shot at being first on the plane. Either way, I win. Then comes the cops, guns drawn, heading up the stairs. (Folks, I fly all the time. This kinda stuff doesn't happen every day. Or maybe it does, but not when I'm around!)
After a few minutes, things quite down. Nothing was ever said. Situation under control? I guess. By now our plane is about ready to board. FINALLY. Get me outta here! The flight to Miami takes forever to board, as always. David has to put his roll-on all the way in the back because there is no more room. Let's go! Wait. Maintenance found a "dent"...fast forward 30 minutes...now we are gone.
We land in Miami, get our 8 bags and head out to the hotel shuttle area. 1:15 am. We wait...wait...wait some more...2:15 am shuttle arrives. That's all I will say on this matter. (Growl)
In bed by 3am and wake up to large dog barking at 8:15 am. Apparently Great Danes are cool at the Double Tree. Check in at the airport, grab some brunch and we are off to Tegucigalpa.
1:00pm we touch down on the world's shortest runway for an abrupt landing. Don't panic, it's normal to taste your pancreas when you land. Customs. All the bags arrive and pass security. We are helped out by 2 sets of bag valet who expect the last of my pocket bread, and we are loaded into our limo... a Nissan mini-cab.
Our driver, Fernando, and his Uncle were very hospitable. Cashew farmers from the South, great guys. The next 3 hours we would drive on the worst road I have ever been on in my life. Potholes. Craters. Parts of the road that slid off the edge of the mountain. Wrapping around the mountains and into the valleys. It was gorgeous. God really showed off when He created Honduras, but He needs to do something about the roads.
Ever so often we would see street vendors offering their goods. Reindeer made of straw seem to be all the rage right now. Fruit, tortillas, water, but my favorite item up for sale...iguana! Guys holding 3 or 4 large iguanas by the tail, ready for your dinner table. This is for sure on my list to try this trip, yum ;)=
Not long after the iguanas, we slammed on the brakes to avoid hitting a boa constrictor! It was about 9 feet long trying to get off the road. I don't like snakes, but this is awesome. I see skunks, possum, coons...but never a huge boa. David is now looking at me, with his knees up to his chin in the back of a Nissan mini-cab. I said, "I promised you an adventure, David!" He mumbled something. I'm not sure what.
We arrived at our hotel and checked in. It has decent rooms, internet, and a lovely courtyard with huge trees and green grass. I'm sitting here barefoot in the most perfect breeze you could ask for while the bats chirp overhead. It took 24 hours to get here. We are safe. All of our bags arrived. I hope tomorrow is a little more boring, I need to catch my breathe...
Our trip started off with a flight that would be 15 minutes late. We arrived in DFW with just enough time to make our next flight. We hustle to the gate, only to realize it would be delayed as well. This time I'm glad, because it gives me enough time to have a Fuddruckers Bacon Cheddar burger minus the bun. Glory! Hit the spot. David grabs a baked potato. We are sitting there finished with our man-snacks when we hear screaming...accompanied by people running. This is an airport. Not good.
Whatever is going on is happening right above us on the second story. I look at Dave, and we both get up and start walking AWAY from our current location. I'm thinking maybe a fire started in the kitchen, but I don't smell smoke. I walk around to some GI's who were talking with the screaming girls, and using my nosey church-lady instincts, ask what's going on. "They said a guy has a BOMB." ( I used CAPS to emphasize that important word.)
David and I look at each other again. This time I am heading for a 3-foot concrete pillar. I figure if there was blast, this is the best spot. If not, I still have a good shot at being first on the plane. Either way, I win. Then comes the cops, guns drawn, heading up the stairs. (Folks, I fly all the time. This kinda stuff doesn't happen every day. Or maybe it does, but not when I'm around!)
After a few minutes, things quite down. Nothing was ever said. Situation under control? I guess. By now our plane is about ready to board. FINALLY. Get me outta here! The flight to Miami takes forever to board, as always. David has to put his roll-on all the way in the back because there is no more room. Let's go! Wait. Maintenance found a "dent"...fast forward 30 minutes...now we are gone.
We land in Miami, get our 8 bags and head out to the hotel shuttle area. 1:15 am. We wait...wait...wait some more...2:15 am shuttle arrives. That's all I will say on this matter. (Growl)
In bed by 3am and wake up to large dog barking at 8:15 am. Apparently Great Danes are cool at the Double Tree. Check in at the airport, grab some brunch and we are off to Tegucigalpa.
1:00pm we touch down on the world's shortest runway for an abrupt landing. Don't panic, it's normal to taste your pancreas when you land. Customs. All the bags arrive and pass security. We are helped out by 2 sets of bag valet who expect the last of my pocket bread, and we are loaded into our limo... a Nissan mini-cab.
Our driver, Fernando, and his Uncle were very hospitable. Cashew farmers from the South, great guys. The next 3 hours we would drive on the worst road I have ever been on in my life. Potholes. Craters. Parts of the road that slid off the edge of the mountain. Wrapping around the mountains and into the valleys. It was gorgeous. God really showed off when He created Honduras, but He needs to do something about the roads.
Ever so often we would see street vendors offering their goods. Reindeer made of straw seem to be all the rage right now. Fruit, tortillas, water, but my favorite item up for sale...iguana! Guys holding 3 or 4 large iguanas by the tail, ready for your dinner table. This is for sure on my list to try this trip, yum ;)=
Not long after the iguanas, we slammed on the brakes to avoid hitting a boa constrictor! It was about 9 feet long trying to get off the road. I don't like snakes, but this is awesome. I see skunks, possum, coons...but never a huge boa. David is now looking at me, with his knees up to his chin in the back of a Nissan mini-cab. I said, "I promised you an adventure, David!" He mumbled something. I'm not sure what.
We arrived at our hotel and checked in. It has decent rooms, internet, and a lovely courtyard with huge trees and green grass. I'm sitting here barefoot in the most perfect breeze you could ask for while the bats chirp overhead. It took 24 hours to get here. We are safe. All of our bags arrived. I hope tomorrow is a little more boring, I need to catch my breathe...
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
The Turkey: Chapter 1
So I should have been making daily updates throughout this whole ordeal, but I didn't. I'm now reflecting on the experience, which makes it a memoir, right?
This year I decided to embrace my Cherokee spirit and go for a more traditional T-day experience: harvest a fresh bird and prepare it all the way to the table. This is something I have never done, so why not? Couldn't be that hard, eh? You can make up your own mind by the end of this blog.
INSPIRATION:
There I was on my daily Craigslist stroll when all of a sudden...I saw a picture of a turkey. I clicked on the ad and it said,
The first thought I had was, THIS SOUNDS AWESOME! Then I saw the $10 price difference for a "processed" bird. For those city slickers out there, that means for $10 they will kill it, pluck it, and clean it. Depending on your life experience, $10 might seem well worth it. However, I'm thinking let's save $10! Plus I could keep the feathers. I haven't killed and cleaned many animals in my life, but it couldn't be THAT hard.
I didn't call or text right away, but a few days later I saw this ad...
This year I decided to embrace my Cherokee spirit and go for a more traditional T-day experience: harvest a fresh bird and prepare it all the way to the table. This is something I have never done, so why not? Couldn't be that hard, eh? You can make up your own mind by the end of this blog.
INSPIRATION:
There I was on my daily Craigslist stroll when all of a sudden...I saw a picture of a turkey. I clicked on the ad and it said,
"Turkeys ready for Thanksgiving. Toms only. Fresh Hormone and drug free. Only 5 left. $35 live or processed $45 Call or text..."
The first thought I had was, THIS SOUNDS AWESOME! Then I saw the $10 price difference for a "processed" bird. For those city slickers out there, that means for $10 they will kill it, pluck it, and clean it. Depending on your life experience, $10 might seem well worth it. However, I'm thinking let's save $10! Plus I could keep the feathers. I haven't killed and cleaned many animals in my life, but it couldn't be THAT hard.
I didn't call or text right away, but a few days later I saw this ad...
"I have Tom bronzed turkeys ready for Thanksgiving. There about 20-
25lbs. $45 each or trade for other birds looking for quail, ducks or
laying hens. Call or text..."
It was the same guy. And the last part intrigued me because I had a few extra ducks in the coop. I called him up and turns out his name is Andy. I had bought some chickens off him last year, nice guy. By the end of the conversation we cut a deal to trade 3 ducks for 1 Tom. These means I wouldn't have to put any cash down, old school bartering...even better! And it begins...
PREPARATION:
I had some extra fence panels and old pieces from a futon sofa that made quite an impressive fortress, even by my standards. It only needed to work for a week, and it looked good to me. After I got it looking up to par, I gathered up the 3 lucky ducks and headed off to make the trade.
When I got there we talked a bit about the major predator problem everyone is having this year. Between raccoons and coyotes we both had our share of stories. He gave me a few pointers on harvesting the bird, and made it seem pretty elementary. I picked out the biggest turkey I could find and carried him out to the truck. We made the trade, shook hands, and I headed home.
When we got home I put him in his temporary home, gave him some feed and water, locked up his cage, and headed in for the night. I felt proud. The owner of a big turkey that I would take all the way to the table, just like our ancestors. I was starting to feel primal. I slept well, like a man should.
I woke up the next morning and took my Cup of Joe out to have moment with my new bird. As I walked up I saw no bird...just feathers flying around. Then, under a pile of hay, I saw my half-eaten turkey lifeless. Dead before I could kill it.
There is more to the story, so stay tuned...
There is more to the story, so stay tuned...
Friday, November 11, 2011
Feel-Good Friday
Today I feel good. No reason not to. I'm thankful for all I have, and grateful for all I don't. I'm about to hang out and watch my kids play soccer, one of those moments that won't last forever. It's nice to be home for a while and slow down for a bit and enjoy somewhat of a "routine".
I'm starting to feel like my appetite is under control and the eating lifestyle is taking shape. I can do this. It's not a chore, or punishment. It actually feels like I have given my self a reward, and I guess I have. Once I shed this extra baggage I will probably be bouncing of the walls! If I grow an afro-puff and wear short shorts, I could be the NEXT Richard Simmons. Man, I need to find me a Sweatin' to the Oldies VHS...
I'm starting to feel like my appetite is under control and the eating lifestyle is taking shape. I can do this. It's not a chore, or punishment. It actually feels like I have given my self a reward, and I guess I have. Once I shed this extra baggage I will probably be bouncing of the walls! If I grow an afro-puff and wear short shorts, I could be the NEXT Richard Simmons. Man, I need to find me a Sweatin' to the Oldies VHS...
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
The Jump Rope
I'm going back to the basics: jump rope. That's right, I bought a jump rope. It's amazing, and it's going to change my life.
Believe it or not, I'm actually pretty decent at it. Back in high school I was a Jump Rope Coach for elementary kids at LCS. I know, I know...but I loved it. All I can really remember is putting together a routine to Carmen's "Who's in the House?" (If you know that song you are probably singing it right now, or looking it up on iTunes...buy it...do it..."Who's in the house"....c'mon, say it...)
Jumping rope in that sense sounds a little...lame. However, Sylvester Stallone makes that rope look like riding a bike in all the Rocky movies. And yes, I have now referred to Rocky in the last 2 blogs, but I watched those movies over and over. Mainly because that's all TBS would play. And boxing workouts are hardcore. You don't get much more basic, and that's what I need: BASIC
I woke up and decided to buy some new shoes and a jump rope. The last 2 days I have noticed that I have much more energy, and I feel good...sore but good. I walk like an old man that's had an accident in his pants, but it will get better. Nothing has kicked my butt like the day after Kung Fu though! Sheeze, that was rough.
I really wasn't expecting to WANT to workout so soon, but I FEEL like it. Crazy. My plan is not to just stick with one thing, I'm going to keep switching it up. I'm setting up a rustic farm-style circuit out here. Chunking rocks. Pulling rope. Telephone pole press. Suicides up the hill. Chasing chickens. Tipping cows. Tomorrow I'm buying a stand for my heavy bag. Can't wait.
3 weeks in and I'm feeling great. Lost at least 10 lbs and 1" in my waist. Now that I have a jump rope, who knows what will happen? Maybe I will be mistaken for The Rock instead of Jack Black.
Believe it or not, I'm actually pretty decent at it. Back in high school I was a Jump Rope Coach for elementary kids at LCS. I know, I know...but I loved it. All I can really remember is putting together a routine to Carmen's "Who's in the House?" (If you know that song you are probably singing it right now, or looking it up on iTunes...buy it...do it..."Who's in the house"....c'mon, say it...)
Jumping rope in that sense sounds a little...lame. However, Sylvester Stallone makes that rope look like riding a bike in all the Rocky movies. And yes, I have now referred to Rocky in the last 2 blogs, but I watched those movies over and over. Mainly because that's all TBS would play. And boxing workouts are hardcore. You don't get much more basic, and that's what I need: BASIC
I woke up and decided to buy some new shoes and a jump rope. The last 2 days I have noticed that I have much more energy, and I feel good...sore but good. I walk like an old man that's had an accident in his pants, but it will get better. Nothing has kicked my butt like the day after Kung Fu though! Sheeze, that was rough.
I really wasn't expecting to WANT to workout so soon, but I FEEL like it. Crazy. My plan is not to just stick with one thing, I'm going to keep switching it up. I'm setting up a rustic farm-style circuit out here. Chunking rocks. Pulling rope. Telephone pole press. Suicides up the hill. Chasing chickens. Tipping cows. Tomorrow I'm buying a stand for my heavy bag. Can't wait.
3 weeks in and I'm feeling great. Lost at least 10 lbs and 1" in my waist. Now that I have a jump rope, who knows what will happen? Maybe I will be mistaken for The Rock instead of Jack Black.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Less of Me
On October 17, 2011 I decided to finally move toward a healthier lifestyle. I know after 32 years that complete change doesn't happen in that 2-minute montage that appears in the movies. In real life it takes much longer...dang it. (See all Rocky movies for examples)
Inspiration this time struck me in the oddest way. I was reading the biography of Ben Franklin and read that he was a vegetarian, mainly to save money. It may have been one factor for him living into his 80's. There I was like 3 paragraphs into this chapter and BOOM... I started thinking about how I need to be healthier. I weighed in the next day at 252 lbs. I was about 185 lbs when I married Melissa 12 years ago. I'm like 60 pounds more than then! And why?
I love to eat. On the road it's my favorite thing to find hole-in-the-wall mom and pop joints. Too many church pot-lucks. Those sweet old ladies with their sugary confections. Truck stops and gas stations. All-you-can-eat buffets. And I don't have anyone standing there saying "Don't eat that!" Self control has to be a part of my life if I want to enjoy a few more days here.
About 11 years I tried the Atkins low-carb diet with great success. I lost like 25 lbs in two months, so I knew it worked for me. Being on the road is my main concern now. I will concentrate on exercise later, but I have to find something that works for me no matter where I am at.
So after 18 days I have lost right at 10 lbs. I have been doing it and feeling good. I think because I have brought down my sugar intake it has made a huge difference in my mental clarity, focus, and energy. Melissa has started it with me, and as a family we will be making some changes.
Of course I'm only 2 weeks in, but it does feel good. I can't really tell a difference of 10 lbs gone, but I feel better...healthier. I'm about 5 seconds into my character-changing Hollywood montage, about 1:55 to go.
Written while drinking french-pressed decaf an listening to Coldplay's Mylo Xyloto.
Inspiration this time struck me in the oddest way. I was reading the biography of Ben Franklin and read that he was a vegetarian, mainly to save money. It may have been one factor for him living into his 80's. There I was like 3 paragraphs into this chapter and BOOM... I started thinking about how I need to be healthier. I weighed in the next day at 252 lbs. I was about 185 lbs when I married Melissa 12 years ago. I'm like 60 pounds more than then! And why?
I love to eat. On the road it's my favorite thing to find hole-in-the-wall mom and pop joints. Too many church pot-lucks. Those sweet old ladies with their sugary confections. Truck stops and gas stations. All-you-can-eat buffets. And I don't have anyone standing there saying "Don't eat that!" Self control has to be a part of my life if I want to enjoy a few more days here.
About 11 years I tried the Atkins low-carb diet with great success. I lost like 25 lbs in two months, so I knew it worked for me. Being on the road is my main concern now. I will concentrate on exercise later, but I have to find something that works for me no matter where I am at.
So after 18 days I have lost right at 10 lbs. I have been doing it and feeling good. I think because I have brought down my sugar intake it has made a huge difference in my mental clarity, focus, and energy. Melissa has started it with me, and as a family we will be making some changes.
Of course I'm only 2 weeks in, but it does feel good. I can't really tell a difference of 10 lbs gone, but I feel better...healthier. I'm about 5 seconds into my character-changing Hollywood montage, about 1:55 to go.
Written while drinking french-pressed decaf an listening to Coldplay's Mylo Xyloto.
Friday, November 4, 2011
The Bloginning
I have wanted to blog for a while, yet for whatever reason, this is my first entry. Welcome to...The Bloginning!
I really don't know what I'm doing at this point, and you probably don't know why you're reading this jibberish. Maybe you are nosy. It's alright, most people are. Except we mask our "nosiness" with the word "curious." So whether you are reading because you are trying to find something here to prevent me from becoming the next president, or because you love me, welcome.
WARNING: I love to overuse "", ... , ( ), and CAPS-LOCK. I know they are not proper English, but I'm an American, and I have been tainted by rock-n-roll, 8-bit graphics, and Mt. Dew. If these grammatical liberties offend you, ("GREAT...") Maybe reading my blog will help you to grow tolerant of the ever-changing world of language around us.
I do love to write. I have not been able to journal more than 5 days in a row for almost 33 years now. I have tried. I blame TIME, but in reality TIME is not at fault. For thousands of years, TIME has been consistent. It keeps moving on...without my help. My SCHEDULE is the next culprit, but again, I am in control of that.
There is a love/hate relationship in my soul with technology. Even as I write this, part of my soul aches. I view the DIGITAL WORLD as a passing medium that will not survive the changes of time. However, pen and paper aren't much more permanent. (One match, right?) The only viable solution is masonry and stone-cutting...but I don't have to time to chisel out my thoughts. Who does these days?
I am convinced the only thing that really passes on are ideas, concepts, virtues, beliefs, emotions...part of the human experience that can't be captured by any medium of record keeping. So for now, I will enter in to the digital world of blogging and see what happens. Here goes nothing...
I really don't know what I'm doing at this point, and you probably don't know why you're reading this jibberish. Maybe you are nosy. It's alright, most people are. Except we mask our "nosiness" with the word "curious." So whether you are reading because you are trying to find something here to prevent me from becoming the next president, or because you love me, welcome.
WARNING: I love to overuse "", ... , ( ), and CAPS-LOCK. I know they are not proper English, but I'm an American, and I have been tainted by rock-n-roll, 8-bit graphics, and Mt. Dew. If these grammatical liberties offend you, ("GREAT...") Maybe reading my blog will help you to grow tolerant of the ever-changing world of language around us.
I do love to write. I have not been able to journal more than 5 days in a row for almost 33 years now. I have tried. I blame TIME, but in reality TIME is not at fault. For thousands of years, TIME has been consistent. It keeps moving on...without my help. My SCHEDULE is the next culprit, but again, I am in control of that.
There is a love/hate relationship in my soul with technology. Even as I write this, part of my soul aches. I view the DIGITAL WORLD as a passing medium that will not survive the changes of time. However, pen and paper aren't much more permanent. (One match, right?) The only viable solution is masonry and stone-cutting...but I don't have to time to chisel out my thoughts. Who does these days?
I am convinced the only thing that really passes on are ideas, concepts, virtues, beliefs, emotions...part of the human experience that can't be captured by any medium of record keeping. So for now, I will enter in to the digital world of blogging and see what happens. Here goes nothing...
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